The Breaking Point I Didn’t See Coming
This summer, I’ve had a really hard time making time for myself. If you read last week’s newsletter, you know a little bit about why.
A canceled trip. An unexpected move. A business that’s growing faster than ever.
All beautiful things on paper, but in real life? It’s been a lot.
And here’s the part that’s hard to admit: I’m grateful. Truly.
Life is good, thank God. I’m healthy. I love what I do. I have a great support system.
From the outside, it looks like I have a pretty good life, and I do! And that’s exactly what makes this harder to write. Because even saying all this out loud makes me feel… selfish.
How do you explain feeling overwhelmed when everything looks like it’s going well?
How do you say “I’m so overwhelmed” when you’re supposed to be the one who’s thriving, showing up, doing the work—the coach, the therapist, the person who constantly reframes, regulates, and reminds everyone else to slow down?
But I need to be honest: when you’re a one-woman show trying to hold everything together, it can feel claustrophobic. Like there’s no room to breathe.
Like you’re carrying a hundred things at once, and trying to smile through it. Lately, it’s felt like I can’t be fully present anywhere. And that hurts.
Just over a week ago, I hit my limit.
Full-blown emotional breakdown— in the back of an Uber, on the way to LaGuardia. My sister was next to me. I was heading to Florida to visit family for the weekend, but I was already so spun out from the first half of the day that I could barely think.
I packed in a frenzy. I ate lunch standing at the sink, shoving food into my mouth between appointments like I wasn’t even a person.
Pretending I was okay. But I wasn’t.
And beyond that day, the whole summer has felt like a blur.
Chaotic. Overstimulating. Uncentered.
The most ironic part? That breakdown happened the day before the one-year anniversary of Mentally Fit with Ellin— the business I built to help people find balance, resilience, and care.
And I felt anything but.
The moment in the Uber cracked everything open.
It forced me to ask myself:
- What’s the point of all this if I don’t even feel like a human in my own life?
- What needs to change?
Because how can I support others when I’m this far away from myself?
Why It Feels So Damn Hard
But what really shifted something in me came a few days later, through two conversations that hit me deeply.
First, I was talking to a family friend. She plays an active role in her adult kids’ lives, helps care for her grandkids, manages a household, supports her aging mother, and is still doing her best to hold it all together.
As she spoke, something clicked.
Later that day, I brought it up with my mom. We started talking about how easily we both fall into this pattern– showing up for everyone else, pushing through, staying strong, taking care of things without ever stopping to ask, what about me?
My mom is the glue. She gives without question. She keeps everything running. And I’ve learned a lot from her strength.
But we also talked about how exhausting it can be and how much it takes out of you to constantly care for others while putting yourself last.
Neither of us is alone in this. At first, you handle it. Because you’re good at that.
You push through. You multitask. You adjust.
Until you crack.
Those conversations opened my eyes. They reminded me how many people are quietly drowning under the weight of their lives.
People who look like they have it all together, but feel like they’re unraveling inside.
We don’t talk about it enough. We just keep pushing. We keep pretending we’re fine.
Because making time for yourself doesn’t just feel hard.
It feels impossible.
It feels selfish.
It feels like falling behind.
Those conversations stayed with me, especially the one with my mom. It made me realize how easily both of us fall into that pattern of showing up for everyone else while forgetting to check in with ourselves.
So last week, I told her, “I think I should start texting you every day and ask: What are you doing for yourself today?”
Because she’s incredible at making time for everyone else, but rarely makes time for herself. And more than anything, I want her to know she’s allowed to. She deserves to. She needs to.
I didn’t expect anything in return. I did it because I care deeply about her. I’ve seen how much she gives, and I just want her to start giving a little of that care back to herself.
But something amazing happened—she started asking it back to me.
We unintentionally created an accountability loop— one built on love, not guilt. And it helps. Every day, it helps!
It reminded me of something we all need to hear:
We get so used to showing up for everyone else that it stops feeling like we’re allowed to show up for ourselves.
We tell ourselves the business comes first. The job. The money. The kids. The partner. The parent. The deadlines.
We tell ourselves we’ll make time after.
After the launch. After the trip. After the kids are older. After things settle.
But life doesn’t really settle, does it?
There’s always something.
Another responsibility.
Another fire to put out.
Another person to show up for.
So the real questions becomes:
- How do you show up for yourself in the chaos?
- How do you relate to the noise, the pressure, the pace?
- What’s your inner dialogue when everything feels urgent?
- How do you protect your time, your energy, your peace?
- How do you say no, even when everything feels important?
Because waiting for calm won’t work.
You have to learn to create space anyway.
And it doesn’t have to be some grand gesture.
I hope that mindset shift hits you hard because it hit me hard, too.
I need you to hear this: Making time for yourself is hard.
But hard doesn’t mean impossible. And it doesn’t mean optional. It’s essential.
Because if you don’t make space for yourself… no one else will.
The Mindset Shift — Redefining What “Me Time” Really Means
Part of the reason making time for yourself feels so heavy is because self-care has become… complicated. Intimidating, even.
We’re told it has to look like spa weekends, $50 yoga classes, wellness retreats, face masks, infrared saunas, and $19 smoothies.
No wonder so many of us feel like we’re doing it wrong.
But here’s the truth: making time for yourself doesn’t have to look like that.
And it definitely doesn’t have to cost a thing.
Sometimes, making time for yourself just means creating space.
It could be cooking the recipe you’ve been craving all week.
Taking yourself out for lunch or dinner.
Cleaning your apartment– something that, for me, is deeply grounding. It clears my head.
Staying in on a weekend night and going to sleep early.
Meeting a friend midweek for coffee.
Walking around your neighborhood just to move your body and clear your mind.
One of the biggest ways I create that space is by observing Shabbat. No work. No pressure. Just reflection, community, and quiet.
It’s non-negotiable. It grounds me. It gives me space to process, to be around people I love, to step away from my phone, and to live without a clock or an agenda. It’s one of the only times in my week where I’m not performing or producing— I’m just being. And that fuels me in a way nothing else does.
And here’s what I’ve learned, both personally and through my work: Making time for yourself starts to feel impossible when your expectations are too high.
When you believe it has to be productive. When you believe it has to look impressive or fit into some curated version of wellness.
But it doesn’t.
Take the pressure off.
Start small.
Start with what feels good.
Start with what feels yours.
Because the more you create space for yourself in real, grounded, ordinary ways… The more calm, clear, connected, and confident you’ll feel in every other part of your life.
Action Plan: Start Here to Create Space for Yourself in the Chaos
1. Schedule it like it matters.
Pick one thing this week that makes you feel like you, and actually put it on your calendar.
Treat it like a meeting or a doctor’s appointment.
Don’t wait until you have time—make time.
Once it’s scheduled, it’s no longer just a thought. It’s real. And that simple act can change everything.
2. Visualize it.
Take a second and really picture yourself doing the thing— whether it’s going to the gym, taking a solo walk, cooking something you love, or saying no to a plan you don’t have energy for.
See it clearly in your mind.
Picture how it’s going to feel while you’re in it. And how good it’s going to feel after.
That mental rehearsal helps more than you think.
When you visualize it, you’re more likely to follow through.
3. Shrink the size, not the value.
You don’t need an hour. You don’t need a perfect setup.
Even ten minutes of stillness, movement, or a quiet moment to yourself can shift your entire day.
Stop waiting for the ideal conditions. They rarely come.
If all you can give is ten minutes? That’s enough.
Those ten minutes are valuable. Don’t underestimate them.
4. Tie it to something bigger.
This is where a mindset shift can change everything.
Going to the gym? It’s not just about fitness—it’s where I reset.
Walking after work? That’s not just movement—it’s time to think, breathe, and be alone with your thoughts.
Even something small, like listening to a podcast on your drive, can help you reconnect with yourself.
When you give meaning to the time you carve out, it starts to matter more, and stick more.
5. You don’t have to—you get to.
You get to carve out space for yourself.
You get to go for that walk.
You get to put your phone away and take a breath.
You get to protect your peace, your time, your energy.
When you start looking at your time as a gift, not just another task, it makes space feel exciting again.
It turns pressure into possibility.
Remember: the more you take care of yourself, the more fully you show up.
And when you create space, life doesn’t just feel more manageable— it feels more open, more full of opportunity.
Final Thought
When I started checking in with my mom, and after that conversation with my family friend, something shifted.
It reminded me that I’m not alone in this. That so many of us are just trying to hold it all together, quietly burning out while taking care of everyone else.
It brought me back to that moment in the Uber, when I realized I had nothing left in the tank.
You can’t keep running on empty and expect to feel whole.
Especially when life is full, when you’re caring for others, when you’re holding everything together.
Making time for yourself is hard.
But when you create even the smallest bit of space to return to yourself, you show up with more clarity, more presence, and more peace—not just for you, but for everyone who depends on you.
And something else happens too:
You start to feel proud of yourself.
You begin to trust yourself again.
You love yourself more, not because everything’s fixed, but because you chose you in a world that constantly pulls you not to.
I truly believe I go through these moments so I can show up here—to write, to help my clients, and to be a better human. That’s what gives this work meaning.
So I’ll always remind you: just because something is hard doesn’t mean you should run from it.
Sometimes the hard thing is exactly what brings you back to yourself.
And when it feels hardest, that’s when you need to slow down and lean in.
Making time for yourself isn’t optional.
It’s powerful. It’s an act of self-respect, of resilience, of showing up for your life, not just getting through it.
So do the hard thing. Start small. But start.
Because you deserve to take up space—not when it’s easy, but especially when it’s not.
Let’s Keep Growing: What’s Next For You
Thank you for being here. Really. Every time you open one of these emails, it means something, and I don’t take that lightly.
These conversations have become more than a mailing list. It’s a space where thousands of people have come together to reduce stress, build sustainable habits, and redefine what it means to be mentally and emotionally fit. These conversations change lives, and I’m grateful to be building this community with you.
If something landed, I’d love to hear from you—just hit reply or email me at ellin@mentallyfitwithellin.com. And if this made you think of someone, pass it along. One share goes a long way.
If you haven’t joined the community, sign up below to hear from me every other Monday as I discuss new mindset tools, high-performance habits, and strategies that are helping me and our community thrive.
It’s a space where thousands of people have come together to reduce stress, build sustainable habits, and redefine what it means to be mentally and emotionally fit. It's amazing how these small conversations have already changed lives, and I’m grateful to be building this community with you.
To stay connected, follow me on Instagram @mentallyfitwithellin and learn more about me at mentallyfitwithellin.com.
