Written by Ellin Gurvitch · Edited by Erica Korn
The Summer That Changed Everything— Without Going Anywhere
I had a plan.
After nearly five years in the same apartment, I was ready for a change.
My flight was booked. The apartment was nearly packed. And my calendar was shifted to another time zone.
I was one week away from moving everything into storage.
No new lease. No backup plan. Just wide open space and a vision.
A summer in Tel Aviv. Family, friends, a break from the New York grind.
This wasn’t going to be just a vacation; it was going to be like coming home. That’s how Israel always feels to me.
This was going to be the reset I needed. The breath I’d been yearning for. And the clarity I’d been craving.
But less than two weeks before my lease ended, and just one week before takeoff, the war broke out.
Every flight was canceled. Poof. Just like that, I couldn’t go.
And suddenly, I was staring down a packed calendar, a full caseload, one week left in my apartment, and nowhere to go.
People kept asking, “So… what’s your plan now?”
And the truth? I didn’t have one. I couldn’t even think straight.
So when the plan fell apart, I didn’t just feel disrupted—I felt disoriented.
And here’s what I haven’t said out loud until now: I felt guilty for even feeling that way.
Because while I was scrambling to figure out where to live in New York, people I love were running in and out of bomb shelters.
I was holding two emotional truths at once— my own stress here, and my fear for their safety there.
It felt selfish to be overwhelmed. But I was.
Because I’m human. And maybe you know that feeling, too, when your reality feels hard, even though someone else has it harder.
I didn’t have time to sit with it.
I had to act fast.
I had one week to find a new plan and hold everything else together.
Even with all the tools— as a therapist, coach, high achiever—life still tests you.
And the work isn’t about having it all figured out.
It’s about who you choose to be when things fall apart.
What Happened When I Stopped Trying to Push Through It
After a few weeks of all the uncertainty, I found a beautiful sublet just 12 blocks from where I used to live.
It wasn’t the summer I planned… but maybe it’s the one I needed.
Parts of me panicked.
I wanted structure. A plan. Safety.
But once I slowed down and got curious, those parts started to soften.
And underneath them, I heard something quieter:
- What if this isn’t going wrong?
- What if this is realignment?
- What if this is growth?
I believe that everything happens for a reason.
This is not just a mindset— it’s what keeps me grounded when life doesn’t make sense.
And right now, I trust I’m exactly where I’m supposed to be.
I’m grateful for the people who checked in— my community who reminded me I wasn’t alone.
For the challenge that stretched me, because not everything in life is easy or pretty. Some lessons come wrapped in discomfort, but they teach you how to show up anyway.
My parents who listened, guided, and always reminded me to stay grounded in love and perspective.
And most of all, I’m grateful for my faith— for something bigger than me, gently guiding me through all the unknown.
Before I dive into the lessons this season taught me, let me be clear:
I’m not writing this because I’ve mastered it.
I’m writing this as someone still in it— still learning, and leading herself forward, even when it’s messy.
These lessons didn’t come from a book.
They came from living it.
These lessons aren’t just for someone moving through a big life change.
They’re for anyone navigating transition, change, or a season that didn’t go as planned.
- Maybe you’re a parent adjusting to the chaos of back-to-school season—juggling routines, emotions, and expectations all at once.
- Maybe you’re going through a breakup and trying to rebuild your sense of self.
- Maybe you got laid off and are facing a future you didn’t choose—and weren’t ready for.
- Maybe you’re starting something new and doubting every step.
- Maybe you’re moving cities, closing a chapter, or quietly questioning if you’re on the right path.
Whatever your version of “this wasn’t the plan” is— these lessons are for you.
Lesson 1: Stop taking hard moments so personally.
When everything changed, my first thought was: Why me? Why is this falling apart?
That voice was loud and convincing.
But here’s what I’ve come to understand…
The “Why me?” mindset doesn’t help.
Instead, it feeds anxiety, and it traps you in a story that only leads to bitterness.
Life isn’t personal.
I’m going to say that one again. Life isn’t personal.
Not everything is happening to you. Instead, it’s actually happening for you.
And that’s a hard pill to swallow when you’re in a season of uncertainty.
Whether you just got laid off, your relationship ended, your project flopped, or your move didn’t go as planned, it’s easy to think you’re being singled out.
But thinking that way turns your pain into your identity.
It puts you into victim mode, and when you’re in victim mode, you stop leading.
You stop asking solution-based questions.
You stop believing in your ability to move forward.
Simply put, you stop growing. And you start shrinking.
Your mindset shifts towards negativity. And that energy affects how you think, act, and what you attract.
The victim mentality is sneaky. It feels justified, comfortable even. But in reality, all it does is protect you from the discomfort of agency.
Agency means effort. It means choice. It means being willing to say:
“This is hard. But I am strong and capable of doing hard things.”
Here’s what helped me shift:
Instead of: “Why is this happening to me?”
- Try: “How do I want to show up at this moment?”
Instead of: “This always happens to me.”
- Say: “This is happening—and I get to decide what happens next.”
Instead of: “I’m so tired of things not working out,”
- Ask: “What if this is just a redirection? What if this is the work?”
You don’t have to love the moment you're in right now.
But you also don’t have to let it define you.
Feel the pain. Be honest about it. Then choose how you want to respond.
That’s what Mental Fitness is— having the tools to face hard moments and lead yourself forward through them.
Lesson 2: Reacting is emotional. Responding is intentional.
When life throws a curveball, our instinct is to react.
Why? Because it feels like we’re doing something. Taking action.
The nervous system floods with urgency. Our brain screams: fix this now. Reacting gives the illusion of control.
When my summer plans fell apart, I did exactly that.
I scrambled for answers. I called and texted anyone who might have advice. I was overwhelmed, confused and trying to chase certainty, hoping someone would just tell me what to do.
The trip I’d been excited about? Gone. The plan I’d spent hours building? In the past.
Now I had to figure out housing, logistics, everything— with a full schedule and zero emotional bandwidth.
I’m only human. So I reacted.
I cried. overshared. I spiraled.
I wanted someone to validate how hard it felt. I wanted to feel less alone.
But what did it leave me with?
I felt more exhausted. More exposed. And more disconnected.
That was me reacting— before I took a breath.
Before I grounded myself.
Before I asked, what do I actually need right now?
Here’s the difference I had to relearn:
Reacting is impulsive. Responding is intentional.
Reacting is fast, emotional, and rooted in fear or urgency.
It comes from your body’s stress response.
Responding is calm, deliberate, and grounded in clarity.
It comes from the version of you that knows how to lead— even in chaos.
Reacting feels like momentum. But it often creates more mess.
And it rarely aligns with your values or the outcome you actually want.
You’ve probably seen this in your own life:
- At work, when you get frustrating feedback and fire off a defensive message, or shut down.
- In dating, when insecurity kicks in and you spiral into reassurance-seeking instead of regulating yourself.
- With friends, when you feel left out, and send a sharp, emotional text instead of getting curious or giving the benefit of the doubt.
- After not getting the job, the deal, the opportunity, and immediately assuming you’re not good enough, instead of pausing to zoom out or asking for feedback.
- Being laid off and instead of honoring the grief or finding your next step, you spiral into shame, panic, and self-blame.
Here’s the truth:
When things fall apart, the impulse is to do something anything, so you can feel in control.
It feels good in the moment, but it often leads to regret.
Responding? That’s where growth lives. That’s where self-trust is built. That’s Mental Fitness.
It means building a relationship with your emotions, instead of avoiding them.
Being kind to yourself, but honest.
Choosing to respond, not react.
Showing up for yourself, even on the hard days.
Seeking challenge and choosing growth, even when it’s uncomfortable.
Because anxiety doesn’t make you weak. Avoiding it does.
So if you’re in it right now—if everything feels like too much—try this Mental Fitness shift:
Create a pause.
- Take one breath. Move your body. Ground yourself before doing anything.
Ask yourself:
- “What would the calm version of me do right now?”
Check in:
- “What outcome do I want? Will this action help me get there?”
We don’t make wise decisions in panic mode.
We make them when we slow down—just enough—to choose who we want to be.
That’s leadership. That’s emotional strength.
That’s how you build trust—with yourself, and with life.
Lesson 3: Not all endings are bad. Some happen to make way for new beginnings.
I could’ve seen this summer shift as a failure.
As a sign that things were falling apart.
That my plans were ruined, and I missed my shot.
But instead, I chose to see it as an opening.
An opportunity.
A new beginning I didn’t even know I needed.
I asked myself:
- “What do I get to do that I wouldn’t have if my plan worked out?”
- “What do I get to learn about myself in this season?”
- “What skills do I get to build now that I’ll thank myself for later?”
Those questions changed everything for me.
They grounded me.
Shifted the energy from stuck to open. From panic to power.
Led me to a new training goal. A deeper skill set.
More grounded connections and confidence to navigate uncertainty.
Most importantly, it gave me a stronger belief in my ability to lead myself through hard things.
I kept repeating to myself: “We plan, and God laughs.”
And ironically, I found so much comfort in that.
Because that’s the truth! We can plan all we want, but life often takes its own course. The real skill is learning to adapt and hold space for something better, even when we can’t see it yet.
Every change holds the potential to rewrite your story.
At first, this shift felt like a setback, disappointing, scattered, and exhausting.
But underneath all of that was something else:
An invitation to grow in ways I never could’ve if everything had gone according to plan.
So next time life throws you a curveball, try this Mental Fitness shift:
Replace “I have to…” with “I get to…”
- I get to reset.
- I get to build something new.
- I get to learn a skill I hadn’t built before.
- I get to show myself I can handle uncertainty.
This isn’t toxic positivity.
It’s not about pretending things are perfect.
It’s reframing your situation.
Reminding yourself that power lives in how you respond to the moment.
Now, yes— this story came from my life.
But we’ve had these moments.
Whether you’re in one of them right now, or the next time you experience an unexpected pivot.
Just remember: You’re not behind. You’re just in the beginning.
It’s okay to feel sad or angry at first. But know this is happening for you. It’s an opportunity for growth and something even better ahead.
Final Thoughts + What I Hope You Take With You
Your emotional brain will try to hijack these moments of change and uncertainty.
It will try to convince you to panic, shut down, overthink, run, or jump straight to the worst-case scenario.”
But Mental Fitness gives you the tools to pause, reset, and lead yourself forward with intention.
No, this summer didn’t go the way I planned.
But it gave me something better:
- A stronger mindset.
- A deeper sense of trust in myself.
- A reminder that chaos doesn’t mean failure, it means growth is in session.
You don’t need the perfect plan.
You need the capacity to handle what life throws at you. And it will throw you all sorts of interruptions.
And that capacity? It’s built in the moments when things don’t go according to plan.
So when life throws you off course, pause.
Be honest with yourself.
Feel what’s true.
Then take the next right step.
That’s what it means to lead yourself forward.
Let’s Keep Growing: What’s Next For You
Thank you for being here. Really. Every time you open one of these emails, it means something, and I don’t take that lightly.
These conversations have become more than a mailing list. It’s a space where thousands of people have come together to reduce stress, build sustainable habits, and redefine what it means to be mentally and emotionally fit. These conversations change lives, and I’m grateful to be building this community with each and every one of you.
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I’m so thankful to be building this community that values growth, resilience, and real conversations. Together, we’re doing something powerful, and I hope you feel that, too. And to have you part of it!
Let’s keep growing—together.
