Why Lifters Wear a Belt
Ever notice that thick belt some people wear at the gym before they lift something heavy?
It’s not for looks.
Here’s what it’s actually doing. Right before they lift, they take a breath and push their stomach out against it, hard. That belt gives them something solid to press into, and that pressure is what protects their back and lets them lift more than they could without it.
Here’s what most people get wrong about it.
The belt doesn’t lift the weight for them.
It just gives them something to push against. They brace into it, it pushes back, and that push is what lets them go heavier than they could alone.
That’s not support in the way you usually think about support. Nobody takes the weight off their body. They’re still the one lifting.
I think about this constantly when it comes to growth. And I think you have the metaphor backwards.
My friend has said it to me more times than I can count. Ellin, you’re doing too much. My dad says his own version of it. You can’t put all your eggs in one basket.
Every time, I had the same response. I know.
But I want to be successful.
I want to accomplish this and that and everything else, all at once.
I wasn’t confused about what they meant. I was a year and a half into building my business from nothing, trying to be good at everything, and trying to do everything at 110 percent. Everything felt urgent. Everything felt necessary.
I thought it was ambition. It was actually just inexperience.
Support Isn’t What You Think It Is
Support and relief are not the same thing. Most people never learn the difference, and it costs them.
You think support means someone takes the weight off your shoulders. Tells you you’re right. Agrees with the story you’re already telling yourself. Makes the hard thing feel less hard.
That’s comfort. It’s not the same thing.
Real support works like the belt.
It doesn’t remove the load. It gives you something solid to brace against so you can carry more than you thought you could.
The people who actually grow you are rarely the ones who make things easiest. They’re the ones who push back hard enough that you have to get stronger to meet them.
“If it doesn’t challenge you, it won’t change you.” — Fred DeVito
Where You Live This Pattern
You call your friend again to vent about the same relationship. She’s told you a dozen times what she sees. That he doesn’t treat you right. That you deserve more. You thank her, agree with her, and call her back next week with the same complaint.
You’re not actually asking for a belt. You’re asking for a cushion. Someone to validate the venting without asking you to do anything different. And the one time she actually pushes back, when she says the honest thing instead of the comfortable thing, you call her less.
That’s the trade you’re making without realizing it. You say you want someone to help you grow. What you actually reward is whoever makes you feel better the fastest.
You’ve lived this from the other side too.
You say you want honest feedback, then go quiet or defensive the second someone actually gives it to you. You complain about the same job, the same manager, the same burnout, for a year straight, and still haven’t opened your resume, and somewhere along the way the complaining itself started to feel like doing something about it. You ask for a belt. Then you flinch the moment it actually pushes back.
Comfort feels good in the moment and changes nothing. Resistance feels bad in the moment and changes everything.
You are surrounding yourself with cushions when what you actually need is a belt.
As a therapist, I’ll tell you what I actually see underneath this. Defensiveness is rarely about the feedback itself. Staying is rarely about the job itself. Somewhere along the way, holding on started to feel safer than letting go, and that rarely shows up in just one place. It’s in your relationships. Your work. How you connect with people, how you move through your life. That’s worth exploring, not to fix anything, just to understand yourself a little better.
What This Isn’t
Let’s be clear about what a belt is not. It isn’t someone who’s hard on you. Criticism isn’t the same as a belt. A belt doesn’t judge you for the weight you’re carrying. It doesn’t shame you for struggling under it.
It just holds steady while you push against it.
The difference between someone who’s a belt and someone who’s just harsh is simple: a belt is still there after. Still solid. Still on your side. The pressure is the point, not the punishment.
Action Plan: Find Your Belt
1. Name who or what pushes back on you, not just who agrees with you.
Think of the people in your life who challenge the story you tell about yourself. Who doesn’t just nod along. That resistance is the point, not a flaw in the relationship.
2. Notice where you’ve surrounded yourself with cushions instead.
Where are you choosing comfort over growth? Who tells you what you want to hear because it’s easier for both of you?
3. Let yourself be pushed on, on purpose.
The next time someone challenges you and your instinct is to get defensive, pause. Ask what you’d learn if you let the resistance hold instead of pushing it away.
Remember, support was never about taking the weight off your shoulders. It’s about giving you the strength to carry it.
So here’s my question for you:
What or who in your life acts as your lifting belt?
Not the person who makes things easy. The one who gives you something solid to push against so you can go further than you would alone.
“Surround yourself with only people who are going to lift you higher.” — Oprah Winfrey
I’d love to hear who yours is. Hit reply to this email or drop it in the comments on Substack. I read every response.
Let’s Keep Growing: What’s Next For You
Thank you for being here. Really. Every time you open one of these emails, it means something and I don’t take that lightly.
If this sparked something for you, I’d love to hear it. Just hit reply or email me at ellin@mentallyfitwithellin.com. And if you enjoyed this read, the best compliment you could give is to share it with one person or restack it.
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Mentally Fit With Ellin is a community of thousands like-minded people committed to growth, resilience, and mental performance. As a licensed therapist and performance coach, Ellin Gurvitch, started this to give everyone access to the tools needed to develop sustainable habits and enhance mental well-being. For more Mentally Fit With Ellin, make sure you’re subscribed so that each week you’ll receive practical mindset tools and performance strategies delivered to your inbox.
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– Ellin